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Create the Life You Really Want



For more information, contact:

Gary Schouborg, PhD

(925) 932-1982







Bowen, Mal, MS and Gary Schouborg, PhD (2012).

Create the Life You Really Want

Originally, Crafting Personal Effectiveness (1992).

Alexandria, VA: Capitol Publications Inc.




Who Can Use This Process


If you do not feel that you are getting from life what you want, you are probably experiencing one of three things.


You extend yourself reacting to endless expectations that others have of you. You have little time for either dreaming or planning.


You are a well-organized achiever. You plan effectively and are decisive. Yet you find your accomplishments unsatisfying. You have little time for dreaming


You are a dreamer. Creative and imaginative, you can envision many things that would make your life meaningful, but you feel lacking in your ability to achieve many of them.


If you are over-extended, this process will help you accept control of your life by helping you break from your old habits and begin listening to your own inner life process. You will then take control of your life by building a realistic, step-by-step plan that you will use.


If you are a well-organized achiever, this process will help you accept control of your life by opening you up to your deeper feelings and revealing goals that will be worthy of your organizing skills.


If you are a dreamer, this process will help you take control of your life by building a realistic, step-by-step plan that you will believe in and use.


How to Use This Manual


Create the Life You Really Want puts you on the road toward discovering, and then creating, the life you really want. There are two phases: a more active one of taking control (exercising your will by thinking, planning, and deciding); but before that a more receptive one of accepting control (suspending your will in order to allow deeper, unconscious processes to work and then emerge into consciousness, where they can fuel the active phase of your life).


Together, the two phases create control. Creativity in the active one is straightforward: you create plans, and by implementing them you create your life. The more significant creativity, however, is in the receptive phase. Suspending your will in order to allow unconscious processes to come into play is not just a matter of becoming aware of ready-made ideas, hopes, and desires. It is primarily a matter of allowing unconscious processes to create new ideas, hopes, and desires: ones that will never exist if you rely on conscious processes alone.


The two phases, then, feed on each other. In the more receptive one of dreaming and fantasizing, you build the emotionally felt goals that fuel the whole process. In the more active one of planning and implementing, you construct manageable steps to sustain and achieve those goals. Without the dreams to give the whole process life, you will not take those steps, however well thought out the plan. On the other hand, without realistic plans to achieve them, your goals will soon become fruitless wishes. You will create control of your life by making both phases work together for you.


To create control is also to craft a more satisfying life for yourself. This notion can be traced back twenty-three centuries to the Greek philosopher Plato's concept of the "soul as craftsman." Plato believed in a force, innermost in each of us, through which we build our lives like a craftsman builds a beautiful and useful object. Create the Life You Really Want enables you to get in touch with that force.


What's Distinctive about Create the Life You Really Want


Given the deluge of self-help books descending upon you through bookstores, mailers, and book clubs, why should you spend any of your valuable time on this one? There are two reasons.


      Unlike other processes of goal-setting, this one does not assume that you already know what you want. Instead, it provides a process that enables you to get beneath the surface and emotionally feel what you really want.


      It allows you to explore your world of desires in as much depth as you want. Yet it will not take you further than you are prepared to go at this time.




Most self-help books and psychological questionnaires are deliberate shortcuts for those who do not have the time, money, or inclination to explore this topic with the help of a personal consultant or therapist. As such, they pretty much assume you already know what you want, and proceed to help you organize those thoughts which are already near the surface of your awareness. More importantly, they tend to minimize the emotional intensity with which you carry out your exploration, so that you do not feel your desires deeply enough to achieve them.


Create the Life You Really Want, in contrast, is designed to help you explore your desires in more intellectual and emotional depth, so that you have a better chance of uncovering what you really want from life and of tapping the inner energy that will drive you to succeed.




The second major benefit of this process is its flexibility. You can usefully employ its structure, explanations, and directions to any depth that is within your comfort zone. You will be frequently reminded that the objective here is not any particular end-state but improvement from wherever you are right now. Yet you will be pointed in a direction that could lead you into major life changes, if any are currently appropriate for you.


The primary source of such flexibility is you — specifically, your own psycho-physiological, self-regulation processes. this process merely helps you make the best use of them.


The History of Create the Life You Really Want


 This process is the fruit of over 50 cumulative years of research and practice in personal development on the part of the authors. An earlier version of the manual was created by Skip Bowen in the mid - 1980s to support a workshop that he delivered to several hundred satisfied clients, including employees of Bank of America, Pacific Bell, and Pacific Gas & Electric, as well as owners and employees of small businesses. Also included were every kind of professional: accountants, college professors, consultants, healthcare workers, insurance agents, mental health professionals, musicians, office workers, real estate agents, retailers, sales reps, school teachers, trainers, and writers. In the early 1990s, the authors transformed the earlier version into this one.


To order the .pdf manual for $15, email